Kids at Weddings :: When It Isn't Just About The Bride and Groom

I read this lovely article today on the wedding blog Love My Dress, about children in weddings. It's had me thinking all day, which is nice as I've kind of taken my eye off the wedding planning ball since we got all the big things booked. Time has passed so quickly since our engagement and we're already more than six months in. Apparently that leaves 574 days (according to the countdown the Milkman has on his phone, a fact I have to share as downloading it is about the only mushy thing he's ever done), which sounds like a lot but not if time keeps marching on at this pace.

Image : Bespoke Bride
(who has some good advice if you're in the "no kids" camp!)

I very much want our children involved in our wedding. By the time we say our vows, we'll have been together for nearly eight years and this wedding is the point where all those experiences and life events are pulled together like a big ribbon, sealing us together. Our children are the central knot in that bow.

As with all things wedding shaped, I haven't gone anywhere near the finer details, but I do have a vague idea of how I think the kids will each be given a starring role. But with that comes some trepidation - Mini Milk looks like he's shaping up to be quite a handful and will still only be two on the big day, Pink Milk has a tendency to express herself through her hair (and always looks great for it...but it can't be denied that with this love of experimentation that there is the risk she'll take a taste for bright green dreadlocks or shave it all off) and Half Pint will be at the stinky Kevin and Perry stage. A potential recipe for rebellious sabotage or (equally upsetting) frosty disinterest, but thankfully they're all good kids and I have faith in them being just as caught up in the day as we will be.

I loved some of the ideas at the bottom of the article about how children can be involved. I particularly liked the idea of the invitations coming from the kids, which totally flips the traditional invite format on it's head.  That really appeals to me as I find the old school approach quite stuffy, and it wouldn't really set the tone for our day.  I also love the idea of the bride being given away by her son, which would be poignant in a step-family scenario like ours (though not one we'll be doing, as my dad giving me away is a tradition I want to keep). I also can't get over how cute an idea it would be to arm a young child with a camera to see their interpretation of the day through photos. And of course readings by or on behalf of the children is a must! I'm excited to find ways to make this day their day too.

I did read a good tip somewhere a while back, about the importance of preparing young children for such a big occasion by doing things like watching wedding DVDs and playing at weddings. Obviously with the older two this isn't an issue, but for Mini Milk I can imagine that seeing his parents in weird clothes, with lots of people watching and being in a strange place might freak him out a bit. I plan to take him along to dress fittings (once I find a dress!), and hopefully find some books that deal with the topic. And I also think that familiarising him with the venue is the best excuse ever to go for lots of meals at the Lodge and spend time on the beach at Luss too!

There is of course the issue of other people's kids at your wedding. Thankfully very few of our friends or family have children, and of those who do only one couple have a child who will be under five (who is a gem, and if he were having an off day I trust his parents to be thoughtful). This means I wont have to face the dilemma of do we/don't we say "no kids please" on our invites. Let's just say I think couples are well within their rights to decide to have or not to have child guests, and I don't think anyone should be insulted if their kids aren't invited. I know I would never forgive someone if their child screamed all through my vows, or wiped their nose on my dress, or ran around wild during the meal. If someone hasn't invited your kids, it isn't necessarily because they think yours would act that way - possibly a blanket no is the only way they could avoid having the problem children show up.  Or maybe they just don't want the risk full stop (you may find that senile grandpa hasn't been invited for the same reason), and who can blame them - you only get one shot at a day like this, after all. Don't take it personally...unless it's actually your kids that are the problem. In which case take it very personally, and then do everyone a favour and learn from it!

I'd love to hear from anyone who has good tips for involving both teenagers and young children in a wedding. Or even some good horror stories about wedding-crashing brats...! Drop me a comment, don't be shy.