By the time Mini Milk came along, the Milkman and I had been together for over five years. We had both experienced parenthood separately, and our experiences of parenting with a difficult/awol ex-partner meant we both wanted to do it the right way if we ever became parents again. We tried for Mini Milk once we had made sure our foundations were rock solid, and so although I knew there would be a shift in our relationship once a baby was added into the equation I didn't think it would be particularly noticeable.

Of course, reality has a nasty way of throwing open the windows and letting the cold air in to slap you in the face. The Milkman went back to work, Mini Milk became more alert and demanding, and life happened once again. That is when a relationship really gets tested, and I challenge you to find one couple who can truthfully say that they never felt the strain. I was home all day with a demanding, crying, refluxing baby, struggling to dress and feed myself whilst keeping on top of the housework, whilst the Milkman swanned off to the adult world and his freedom, simply swooping in at the end of the day to indulge in some daddy moments before bed. Or I was at home all day with no commitments, enjoying all the precious first months of Mini Milk's life while his daddy was working like a dog all day and only seeing his son briefly in the evening. Sometimes I was jealous of the Milkman, and I dare say sometimes he was jealous of me. We would often find ourselves at check-mate in a game of competitive tiredness as we ran on our own separate hamster wheels.
Thankfully, the solidity we had built before Mini Milk arrived and the continuing afterglow of that smug, Disney-esque start to our journey as parents together has meant we've never reached crisis point. More than not, we have worked as a team and - whether out of genuine respect or simply a lack of energy - we have never come to blows in dramatic, blazing rows where things that can't be un-said slip out.
It is so easy to be caught up in keeping the kids dressed, clean and fed in a house which is (semi) habitable that the relationship becomes an afterthought. It's kind of scary how you can live in the same house as someone, wake up with them every morning and sit with them on the sofa each evening but feel as if you never see them. I think that is dangerous territory for a couple, but it is ground you can stumble into without noticing.
A few weeks ago I read a great blog post by Glasgow Mummy called "Do you have a TV in your bedroom?" where she discussed some pitfalls in relationships, and how to keep a relationship healthy and happy. I agreed with most of what she said, and so to keep our relationship thriving the Milkman and I are going to pop a vitamin in the form of a "date night" every month or so. With Mini Milk now a year old, I'm going to bite the bullet and leave him overnight for the first time so the Milkman and I can enjoy a night in the riverside Hilton and a grown-up meal for two at Red Onion! I feel a bit cheeky doing this, as we've actually been lucky enough to have wedding shows to attend this weekend and last, so it's not as if we've been totally deprived of child-free time, but this will be different. It's not time without kids that is the aim here, it's time to centre ourselves...and you can't do that in the pandemonium of a wedding show! I'm really looking forward to the chance to re-connect, relax and be us for the night.
Has your relationship changed once a baby was added to the mix? What tips do you have to keep your relationship healthy and happy whilst wading knee-deep through the swamp of dirty nappies, laundry and sleep deprivation? Drop me a comment to let me know!
Thanks for linking up to my post :-)
ReplyDeleteDate night is such a great idea. How was your night out? x
PS I've added our links on the Love All Blogs Blog Love Day :-) http://loveallblogs.com/blog-love-day-5/
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