Returning from Maternity Leave :: How to Survive as a Working Mother

If you have read my blog before you'll maybe be aware that I have gone back to work following the end of my maternity leave.  I would bet that's a fraught experience for any mother, whether she was dying to get back into the adult world or not, whether she's taken the minimum maternity leave or been a SAHM for years, and whether she returns full time or for just a few hours a week.  But I then added the nerves associated with starting an entire new career in a new field in a new organisation.  To say I was a little bit anxious is like saying that Nuts magazine is a little bit sexist.

Panic took up every last scrap of space in my mind in the run up to kick off - sorting out a childcare strategy, being able to get out of the house on time, managing to get dinner on the table, preventing our home from becoming derelict from a lack of housework, squeezing in some exercise/couple/me time and finding time to sleep...  I couldn't even let myself wallow in my heartbreak at the thought of having to leave my baby, because my mind was so full of the logistics of it all.  I was certain I had bitten off more than I could chew and was getting more and more scared.

But thankfully, it hasn't been that bad.

My new job is a vast improvement from my old one, and I'm enjoying it.  I am working full time, as needs must, but instead of getting hung up on wishing I could be at home more I have decided to just accept that this is how life is, and unless I win the lottery it ain't gonna be changing!

Making peace with the fact that that this is how it has to be has actually done a lot to ease my transition back into work, and isn't a mindset I only apply to my hours.  This got me thinking whether there are any words of advice I could pass on to other mums on the verge of returning to work...or indeed, any mum who has already returned and is feeling a bit overwhelmed.  I'm definitely not claiming to be an expert, but these are things that are getting me through:

To Do Lists 

I am a list junkie.  I find solace in crossing things off a list (maybe that's why I'm doing the Day Zero challenge).  During my lunch break I draw up a list of housework that needs done, homework that needs supervised, appointments that need to be made...you name it, if it needs attention that evening it is on my list.  If I have time I even re-write it in order, fitted around things that will always need done, like cooking dinner and bathing the baby.  The result is that I come home with a plan in my head, my time is used efficiently and things get done without me rushing at the last minute or getting stressed (well...at least not as much!).

Zen

By this I mean making peace with the fact that you are human.  Not everything is doable, and it is OK to let little things slip either until the weekend or entirely. It's a judgement call between the less important things and your own sanity.  Always chose your sanity!

Sleep!

This came up on my FB feed earlier, how relevant!

It can be so tempting to stay up late to catch up on some reading or watch some of the inevitable backlog that is building up on your Sky+ box...but you will regret it in the morning!  This kind of ties in with "Zen" - some things just have to be put off until the weekend or ditched completely.  I'm trying to switch my perspective from "sleeping is a drain on my free time" to "wow, look at me - I'm making the most of my precious time by only spending it on things that I really love."  My earlier bedtime isn't eating into my freedom, it is simply using the time I would otherwise have wasted on crap tv or aimlessly surfing Facebook.

Tag Team

Now, as an ex-single mother I can fully appreciate that this isn't a luxury afforded to everyone.  But if you do have a partner, then it goes without saying that you should be sharing the load as equally as possible.  The way that works for us, at least right now whilst Mini Milk thinks 4am is an appropriate time to start the day (you are very much mistaken, little man), is to take it a day each.  It makes the early mornings less of a killer when I know that the next morning I'll get the treat of a lie in until 6am whilst the Milkman takes his turn!

Firsts only count if you're there to see them

This may not be the approach everyone would take, but I am a jealous woman by nature.  The thought of not being there for Mini Milk's firsts hurts me on a very deep level.  And so for some emotional armour I have decided that unless I was there, they don't count.  I don't really even want to be told that they have happened, though given that a large chunk of our childcare is provided by grandparents I know it would be a bit bratty of me to deny them the pleasure of telling me!  But still, I simply smile and put it down to their imagination, until I see it for myself.  This approach is working so far, but I have a feeling that the first unaided standing and first steps will be tougher to ignore if I miss them.



And at the end of the day, what always gets me through is the thought of coming home to my boys.  I may be tired when I turn up to collect the kids, but that all melts away when I see Half Pint grinning at me or Mini Milk power-crawling towards me for a cuddle.  Those moments remind me why I'm doing this, and are also my reward.


If anyone else out there has any working mum survival tips, I would love to hear them - drop me a comment and help me keep my head above water in this new stage of my life!

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Why I'm more scared about high school than my child is!

This will be the first of two Broody Tuesday posts on milestones, because both of my boys have hit (or are about to hit) pretty big ones.  This post is dedicated to my first baby...or rather the fact that he is most certainly not a baby any more.

Was this really six years ago?!

The summer holidays came to an end a fortnight ago for Scottish kids, and Half Pint is now in his final year of primary school.  In fact, if we were living in England he would have been starting secondary (or as we tend to call it up here, high school).  That is a thought that makes me come out in a cold sweat.

Children have an eerie talent of making time speed past behind your back.  I can still remember Half Pint's first day of primary school as if it were yesterday, and yet here we are on the brink of adolescence.  I am not ready for the next step. The thought of packing him off to high school and all the things he will be exposed to makes me feel queasy.

Half Pint is smart and picks things up easily, and so my worries about high school don't have anything to do with the workload.  He has never had any problem mixing with new people either - in fact, he's in a good position as he knows kids from all the different primary schools due to living outside the catchment area of his school and through his numerous sports clubs from over the years.

My worries are about the social side of high school, and the influence of the older pupils.  I only left high school 12 years ago, so I can still remember very clearly what that world is like. I can only imagine the conversations and sights he will be exposed to by mixing with older kids, kids who are practically adults...or who at least think they are.  My own memories merge with flashbacks from Grange Hill and I break into palpitations!

I doubt anyone could accuse me of being the type to shelter my kids.  However, I do think that childhood shouldn't be forced to end abruptly in the school corridor when 11 year old children who are only interested in Minecraft and Harry Potter have to share a space with 17 year old louts who go drinking on the weekend and are constantly trying to see just how deep in the gutter their minds can sink.  In this instance (probably only this instance) I think the American school system has a one-up on the UK - they have middle school, which appreciates the fact that there is a world of difference between a tween and someone approaching their 20's.

This weekend as I was mulling my fears over (again...), when I was struck by the realisation that such fears don't give Half Pint enough credit.  That whole blink-&-miss-it thing has been at play, and he's actually become more grown up than I had been willing or ready to admit.  This came to me me whilst I was watching him compete in a swimming meet.  From the spectator gallery I was able to spy on him as he sat with his team between races, and was struck by how mature his actions and way of carrying himself seemed.  He takes the pressure of these events in his stride, and in his way of interacting with his team mates and the adult coaches alike there was a confidence which seemed to belong more to an adolescent than a child.  I got to thinking that maybe I don't need to be so scared, because there was my gorgeous young man and he looked as if maybe it wont be such a stretch for him to be ready for high school.  In many ways maybe he is a little more ready than some, given that I have always raised him to be comfortable enough to have quite frank conversations with me about friends, feelings, sex, the meaning of some of the more colourful language he hears at school, and anything else that pops into his head.  His ability to ask questions and also to identify things that perhaps aren't appropriate (at least in front of adults...I'm sure we are all very aware of the sorts of things kids say and get up to when we aren't there!) probably puts him on a better footing than some who will be moving up to high school with him.

This doesn't totally eradicate my worries, but I at least feel a little more reassured.  After all, primary seven is a year of growing up and we're only at the start of it.  Maybe it won't all seem so scary come this time next year.
 

Anyone else out there having panic attacks at the thought of their babies heading off to high school?  Or even better, are there any parents out there who have been through this gut-wrenching stage of raising kids who can share their survival tips?!

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My Room 101

Illustration : Matt Herring

You asked me once, what was in Room 101. I told you that you knew the answer already. Everyone knows it. The thing that is in Room 101 is the worst thing in the world.

Ninteen Eighty Four, George Orwell

 
I was tagged by the wonderful AtoZ Mummy in her Room 101 post, inviting me to nominate some things that I would banish to that dark place never to be seen again.  I may have let a little squeal of happiness slip out when I saw I'd been tagged, because I really don't need to be asked twice to have a good rant.


But there was my first hurdle - how the heck could I limit myself here?  So I've decided to only list things that have irked me in the last six hours.  And this is not an exhaustive list...though it is in the order in which they annoyed me.

1. Unpopped popcorn kernels
   So there you are, engrossed in a film and fueling your concentration by automatically shoveling fistfuls of sweet (or salty, because even you weirdos will have experienced this) goodness into your gob.  It's soothing, it's comforting, it's preventing you from talking all the way through the film.  But then, holy motherducking heck - searing white pain shoots through your tooth and right down into your soul, rendering you momentarily blind and your jaw paralysed mid-chew.  Yep, you've chowed down on the evil unpopped kernel.  This pain is second only to biting down on your own mouth piercing (which is a good horror story to tell your kids if they ever suggest that they fancy sticking metal through their lips/tongue/cheek).  Those tough, nuggety bastards need to be condemned to 101 hell.


2. Wasps
   Tell me one good thing about these evil beasties. Just one.  You got nothing, don'tcha?  And I'll tell you why - because unlike bees, these little buggers are not powered by the desire to bring sweetness into this world.  They are simply cruel, bitter little bitches who can't get over the fact that they turned up to the party in the same outfit as the bees, but the bees look a million times cuter.


3. Ironing
   Who exactly decided that wrinkled clothes were a bad thing?  Who was the first person to heat a bit of metal in the campfire and frantically rub it all over their loincloth (and did they think to remove said loincloth first...I hope not, serves them right)?  And why, thousands of years later, are we still carrying out this bizarre ritual?  We are a culture obsessed with eradicating creases - first clothes, then hair, then skin...where will it end?!


4. The traditional working week
   Now I'm not great at maths, but even I can tell you that 5:2 is not an even split.  We only get one life, and are often told during that one life that it is precious, that we should live each day like it's our last, that life is short, that we should live life to the max.  So why is it that the majority of us resign ourselves to spending most of it doing work for other people?  Surely even 4:3 is a better balance.  I advocate that "full time" should now mean four days on, three days off.  Let's make some placards and take this campaign to Downing Street!


5. Niggling pains
   Currently, I have this infrequent pain in my shoulder tip.  This could mean my spleen has ruptured, I have a lesion on my diaphragm, or I'm having an ectopic pregnancy.  But really I know it is just one of those stupid niggling pains which serve no purpose, and which disappear just as you approach the verge of getting seriously worried about them.  They're like sneezes which wont come - build up, build up, build up...nada.  Obviously, I don't want these pains to come to anything, but I would just like them to not bother turning up in the first place.  I get a lot of these pains, and it makes it difficult to take any real pains seriously (like the hilarious time an idiot GP misdiagnosed a serious issue with my ovaries, telling me I just had a stitch, and nearly rendered me infertile.  It's a laugh-a-minute tale, remind me to tell you about it some time).  Pain receptors need to get with the programme, and act more like bouncers rather than welcome hosts to any random electrical pulse they come across.

I'll leave it up to you guys to play Paul Merton - can these five things be banished forever?  What about you, what would you put in Room 101?

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Day Zero :: why I'm trying to achieve 101 things in 1001 days

The Day Zero Challenge is the backbone of this blog, but I'm conscious that as I'd started the challenge before I started the blog, I've never actually written an entry about what it is or why I'm doing it.

I am a serial maker of New Year Resolutions.  I usually have between five and ten, and when I look back at the end of the year I've usually achieved maybe 50% of them...which is pretty crap. So I decided to take a different approach this year, and have a(nother*) stab at the 101 things in 1001 days challenge from The Day Zero Project.  You can find my list in this post - though my achievements need updated.

If you haven't heard of it, it's basically what it sounds like - setting myself 101 tasks to complete in 1001 days. Not surprisingly, it's kind of hard to think of 101 things you want to achieve. 20 was easy, 40 was fine, 60 was a bit of a stretch, 80+ took work! So although I started the list in place of setting resolutions, I didn't actually begin until March. There was another reason for the delay too - one of my tasks can only be done in November, and I wanted it to be the November after my wedding so that I have more of a chance of being able to focus on it. With that in mind, my 1001 days actually started on March 4th.

Why am I doing it, particularly given my less than impressive track record with new year resolutions? I'm not entirely sure. But I do know one thing - life is more than work. That's something I'd lost sight of in the past couple of years, with a stressful job which zapped my energy and left me living for the weekends...which I was then too tired to enjoy or which I wasted by dreading the thought of going back to work on Monday. My maternity leave granted me some perspective, and so I wanted to set some tasks which meant my life would become more than simply the gaps between days spent sitting at a desk.

I think it's important to always have something to aim towards. I spent seven years at university, and the way the uni year is structured meant that I always had something to work towards (whether that was making it through a placement, meeting an essay deadline, passing an exam or just getting to the holidays without cracking up). When I left and got into the working world, I found that the sense of having goals was dulled a little. Sure you have work deadlines, and if you're career orientated you probably have a five year plan. But I often find that the sense of achievement isn't always as great, that the holidays are far less generous and in the day-to-day you can get lost in the mundane.  I think this made me a little depressed, because I am someone who thrives on having things to look forward to. At first I had buying a house and trying for a baby as my big goals, and of course I still have my wedding. But big goals are few and far between, so what better way to fill life with colour than to have 101 smaller goals to enjoy and achieve?

I think we can all admit to having those things that lurk in the back of our minds, destined for a "one day" that never seems to come.  Maybe it's cleaning out a junk cupboard, maybe it's doing a bungee jump...whatever it is, putting it on a list and setting a deadline is a way to make "one day" a reality. And surely that is what life should be about, peppering it with those "one days" that make you feel as if you've achieved something, whether that's making your house a home or staring death in the face! Time passes all too quickly, but putting those things on a list makes it far more likely that you'll grab the time for the little (or big) things in life before you have no more time left to spend.

If you've never tried a Day Zero challenge, I hope I've convinced you to give it a try.  But if 101 things seems a little too much to grapple with, keep in mind that although it was the original Day Zero challenge it isn't the only one - over the years the project has evolved and there are others such as 52 things in 52 weeks, or things to do by 30.  You can even think up your own!  Check out the site if this has sparked your imagination.

This post has come over all motivational-speaker-ish...it's made me think of this incredible song by Baz Lurhman...



Has anyone else ever attempted a Day Zero challenge? Let me know about your experiences, I love reading about what other people have achieved. Or if you have any "one days" you've not yet got round too, I'd love to hear about those too. 




* I suppose I should confess that 101/1001 isn't a new concept for me. I've been here before. And I didn't succeed. I kept up some sort of momentum on it for fifteen months before totally dropping the ball. I've reflected on that, and there were probably a bunch of reasons why I never finished what I had started. A main flaw was probably that a majority of the tasks were things I felt I had to do, rather than tasks I wanted to do. There were also tasks I probably hadn't put a lot of thought into, or that were too ambiguous or indeed too set in stone. I kept those flaws in mind whilst making my new list, to make sure I wouldn't fall into those traps again. Having said that, looking back on it there were things I did achieve. And a lot of those achievements have improved my life and are possibly things I wouldn't have done had I not given myself that push. That's the beauty of a Day Zero challenge - even if you don't cross off everything, you can't fail to at least achieve something.

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#BlogGirls :: My Guilty Pleasure

So, I'm hooking up with #BlogGirls for my first ever linky!  The topic this week - Guilty Pleasures - grabbed me, as guilt is something I am struggling with right now. 

Tonight's guilt is the fact that I blew off my Kettlercise class due to exhaustion.  It is about to be followed by the guilt surrounding eating some chocolate that I just don't have the motivation to turn down.  Earlier I felt guilty that the ironing pile is growing yet again.  Tomorrow morning I will feel guilty leaving Mini Milk at nursery, and then feel guilty for having to leave a meeting early to pick him up again.  Over the weekend I will feel guilty when I finish Half Pint's back to school shopping, which I was supposed to have finished before he went back today.

The guilt of the working mother is eating me alive.

The topic of guilty pleasures made me stop and think about the pressure I am under.  A pressure I am putting myself under.  Because the only person who expects me to be supermum, employee of the year and domestic goddess all whilst keeping my weight loss efforts on track and finding the time to actually breathe...is me.  And this is doing no one any favours.

So tonight I am going to revel in pleasure, with no guilt.  I deserve to be lazing here on the sofa, in my jammies, with my back to the laundry pile and chocolate within reach.  I have been up since 4.30am, fed and clothed my children, worked all day as a cog in the healthcare wheel, came home to homework duties and piano practice supervision, dinner time and play time, cuddles and giggles, bathtime and bedtime.  And now this is my time...and if tonight I chose to spend that precious hour or so acting like a sloth with a sweet tooth rather than lugging a Kettlebell around or wielding the iron, then I also chose not to feel guilty.  It's my pleasure.

Now pass me the Dairy Milk, dammit.

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From Fat To Skinny And Back Again - My Slow Weight Yo-Yo

Ok, so it's time to address the elephant in the room.  That elephant is me.  Calm down, you don't need to tell me that's not true - I'm not fishing for compliments.  The simple fact is that I am currently 10lbs over the upper limit of a healthy weight for my height, so am officially overweight.  Not as overweight as I was after Mini Milk was born (I have shifted 37lbs of baby weight plus 13lbs more...though 9 of those have crept back on since Easter), but there is still more junk than I should have in my trunk.

2002...high weight

In the past eleven years my weight has done a  s-l-o-w  yo-yo. I went from fat to slim in about three years, stayed down there for about five years, and then shot back up in the two before my pregnancy with Mini Milk. I began my journey as a noticeably fat teenager, and then I added a pregnancy into the mix to end up actually obese once Half Pint was born.  I got to the point where I was shouted at in the street for my size, and on nights out would ask a friend to go to the bar for me as I couldn't bear to stand there so exposed.  I realised that life shouldn't be lived that way, and so for the first time I decided to do something about it - I joined a slimming group.

I found that Weight Watchers was the only one of the groups I tried that actually taught me anything, and as a result I lost all the weight, got down to a healthy weight for my height and became a Gold Member (not as dodgy as it sounds - it just means free lifetime membership).

2007...low weight

Life changed dramatically for me, and not just in terms of the size of my wardrobe once clothes shopping was no longer a post-modern form of torture.  I became someone, rather than just existing on the edges...and that felt good.  So good, in fact, that I kept shedding the weight until I got more than a stone under my goal weight.  I even briefly worked as a Weight Watchers leader, preaching what I practised.

I stayed slim for five years, but the weight started to pile back on when I took an office job.  I left behind a career which involved long shifts spent mainly on my feet, and took a job which - with a commute and desk work - required me to sit on my bum for 12 hours a day.  This change also saw my non-work time shrink, and that had a knock on affect on my exercise levels.  It also saw me giving up my side-line of working as a Weight Watchers leader, which was itself a major motivator for staying slim.  But the biggest impact this change of work had was to my happiness levels - I went from feeling fairly accomplished and positive about my work and self, to feeling stressed, stupid and unappreciated.  For me, feeling that way leads to food.  Lots of food.  And the more food it lead me to, the worse I felt, and so I just buried myself in more food...lather, rinse, repeat.  I lost all focus and handle on my diet, and tried to ignore the fact that my clothes were getting quite tight (and that those size tens hadn't left the hanger in quite a while).

A stone over my goal weight, I was too ashamed to rejoin the Weight Watchers class I had once been the leader of.   And then we decided that the time was right to try for another baby.  We were working to a limited time scale, so there wasn't time for me to get my body under control or to address my lapsed eating habits...if anything they got worse, as I just totally gave up.  Not exactly how I'd always pictured my second pregnancy, and I came out of it my biggest weight in about seven years.

Seeing my body without a baby bump to hide behind finally flicked a switch in my head, and when my beautiful Mini Milk was just two weeks old I bit the bullet and headed back to Weight Watchers.  I was so nervous that I was physically shaking as I walked into the room.  Thankfully, most of my members had moved on since I took the class, and those who were still there were very supportive of me.

I lost weight consistently - even over Christmas - until around April/May.  Since then I have spent more time off or trying to clamber back on the wagon than I have comfortably sitting at the reigns.  I know what I have to do, but my motivation and focus have been failing me.  Part of this is due to the fact that although I don't feel slim, I no longer feel as obviously fat as I was when Mini Milk arrived.  You would think fitting back into some of my old clothes would spur me on, but instead of lighting a fresh fire under me it has felt more like a comfortable slipper.  But I know I am not at a point where I like what I see, I've simply reached a point where I don't hate it quite as much.  But that isn't good enough.  I want to be...if not happy, then at least content with my body.  I need to find way to kick start my journey. 

So I cast my mind back to what I did the first time I lost all the weight.  Obviously I ate within my limits, tracked everything I consumed, did some exercise and went to my meetings every week.  But I also blogged.  I wrote about my feelings, my achievements, my set backs and then I shared it with a select few.  Doing that kept me accountable and it also meant my mind never strayed too far from my goal.  I need that if I'm going to get back on track.  So my Weight Wednesday entries from this point out will also include a weigh-in, and even on weeks when I don't have a specific topic to blog about I will still be putting my progress out there.  The only person who can lose this weight is me, and this is my way of making myself accountable.

Anyone else on a weight loss/health improvement/body acceptance journey?  I'd love to hear any tips you have at how to get my head back in the game.

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Day Zero Project :: 101 things in 1001 days :: July progress

So I'm now five calendar months into my 101/1001 challenge.  As of Wednesday, that was 150 days down, with 831 days to go.  I don't feel as if I've had my eye on the ball at all this month, what with all my focus and energy having been on going back to work.  I need to sit down and look at how to improve my efforts with the regular goals, and fit in some one-off to have things to tick off for next month.


This Month...

• 01 Completed [04 completed overall]
  • #80 : Visit Glasgow Cathedral and the Necropolis - read about it here
• 03 Started [read more]
  
  • #16 : Sign Half Pint up for piano lessons - I sat down at the piano with him and took him through the basics of notes, octaves, scales and reading music.  He picked it up very well, so now I just need to get my act together and hunt down a tutor for him.
  • #33 : Get my hair done every ten weeks - Now I'm back at work, this is going to start.  I got my hair done before I started, and even had a new fringe cut into it.  New salon visit has to be done before 14/09. 
  • #91 : Watch 10 classic films I should have seen, but haven't - I watched Labyrinth!
• 13 Still In Progress [read more]
  
  • #04 : Work out at least twice a week - after a few bad weeks in the middle of the month, I picked this up well to finish by getting back to Kettlercise and doing Pop Pilates 3-4 times per week.
  • #08 : Don't start smoking again - I tell you, my new job is giving me a lot of motivation to keep this up, and July marked two years since I quit!
  • #09 : Walk 300 miles - I actually haven't been measuring my efforts with this, but I estimate that we probably walked about 5m on holiday, my pedometer tells me I walk about 2m around the hospital each day at work and I went on a walk which probably totalled about 1m.  Without overestimating, I reckon I can claim about 20m in July, taking my running total up to 54.5/300miles. But from now on I wont be counting my walking at work, as that is lifestyle rather than exercise activity.
  • #10 : Take a pilates class - I'm using Cassey from Blogilates' workouts for beginners, but this doesn't count as a class.  However, one starts at my work this coming month, so hopefully I can count this as complete by my next update!
  • #16 : Sign Half Pint up for piano lessons - he's signed up, and starts this month so hopefully this will be ticked off in my next update.
  • #21 : Don't feed Mini Milk jarred baby food at home - I haven't.  We had to use it on our trip away, and yet again he would barely touch the stuff!  He also eats homemade food when being cared for my his grandparents.
  • #30 : Learn how to wear my hair in three new ways - I've used a tutorial to try a knotted side pony.  It doesn't look vastly different to the side plait I usually wear, but it's a slight change.
  • #43 : Regularly donate blood - I was all set to visit the blood bus at work this week...until their generator broke!!  They're supposed to be rescheduling.
  • #60/#61/#64 : Blog my 101 journey - I'm loving my venture into the world of public blogging...I just need to build relationships with other bloggers and hopefully get more readers.
  • #76 : Find a sleeved wedding dress - I nearly found myself getting talked into buying a dress in a sale, but it did not have sleeves and I've then had the task of finding a bolero that matched it...I'm glad I didn't get swept up in the salesgirl pressure!
  • #100 : Put £10 in a jar for each completed task - £40 in there now!
• 16 No Progress/On Hold.
  
  • #03, #05, #06, #19, #20, #25, #29, #34, #37, #38, #40, #42, #52, #54, #90, #96
• 03 In Crisis [read more]
  
  • #01 : Get back to my goal weight, and maintain it for the rest of the 101/1001 period - my weight is going up rather than down, my eating is in free fall and I need to sort this out fast.
  • #51 : Plant a herb window box - our coriander had a growth spurt and then died, all whilst we were away!
  • #85 : Read 75% of the books I own - I finished just one book in July...this is going far too slowly, I'll never hit target at this rate.
• 62 Still to Start
• 0 Failed

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Love Shouldn't Hurt, or Why Pink Is Sending The Wrong Message To Her Fans

I was going to write this post about David Cameron's ability to announce a proposal on regulating online porn whilst somehow simultaneously showing the big thumbs up to Page 3.  Unfortunately some of the ignorant comments I've heard surrounding this topic this week have left me filled with a rage so potent I can't string my thoughts into coherent sentences...so I'll let The Kraken tackle that topic instead (warning, not for the easily offended). Instead, I'm going to discuss something that has been irking me.  And although it is not a topic uniquely feminist in nature, I think this is the best heading to post it under.

Just how many songs is Pink going to release about being in unhappy, dysfunctional relationships? This is an issue that has been bugging me for weeks now, especially as True Love seems to be leaking out of most speakers I come within earshot of. When I first heard it I was very taken with the music video – I love that Lily Allen has poked her head out of semi-retirement, and I got quite excited to see the Ikea veg getting their MTV debut. But then I listened to the lyrics. And then I got sad.

Just once try to wrap your little brain around my feelings, just once try not to be so mean

Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say, sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face

When a lot of her songs seem to be about being in love with someone you hate and who treats you like dirt (or whom you enjoy treating like dirt), what sort of message is Pink sending to her audience? An audience of which I suppose a large proportion is probably in their teens. As was highlighted recently by the This Is Abuse campaign, abusive relationships are not just the being abusive) and instead mistake that sort of thing for passion, or assume that what they are experiencing is normal. When a celebrity who is portrayed as strong, edgy and highly admirable is singing about dysfunctional relationship after dysfunctional relationship - all justified by the backdrop of lurve - the message is reinforced that manipulation and aggression from your partner is a sign that they care.
domain of adults. Sadly though, many teens in such relationships may not identify themselves as being abused (or indeed as

Love as a young adult is a powerful emotion that can strip rationality and perspective from even the smartest and most secure teenager. It can be consuming and engulfing in a way that adult relationships can rarely be, once responsibilities and wariness have kicked in. Many teen relationships take on a “us against the world” theatricality which reduces the likelihood that they will seek advice and help when things get a little heavy handed. Particularly if this is their first real relationship, they don’t have other experiences to compare it to and so will look to the examples around them...like their favourite singer, or other media like films (thanks, Twilight).

I know some people will argue that I am seeing too much into this, that it’s a song about those times where our other half is just getting under our skin and we would love to metaphorically throttle them. But Pink is a repeat offender with songs of this type (seriously, check the lyrics for Please Don’t Leave Me). The twinkly music, cutesy video and possibly the fact she is a female singing pop disguises the undertones, but just think about this – if the same song was performed by a thrash metal group, with the lyrics screamed out by a male vocalist, would it all seem so innocent then?

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A Family Holiday Hunting for Gromit in Bristol

At the start of the month, the Milkman and I took the boys away for our first family holiday since Mini Milk arrived.  With money being tight - what with me being at the tail end of maternity leave - we hadn't thought we'd get away at all.  However, fate was smiling on us and though a holiday abroad was a bit too much of a stretch, we decided to treat ourselves to a staycation.  We've had a few of these in the past couple of years and I really enjoy the chance to visit places a bit closer to home but which we wouldn't otherwise have explored.  

We decided on Bristol as our destination, after seeing a piece on the news about the Gromit Unleashed event that is being run in the city until September.  Basically, a range of artists and celebrities have been given free reign to give Wallace's dog Gromit a new look, and then these works of art have been dotted around the city to be tracked down.  It's all in aid of charity, and really appealed to us as a family holiday thing as it added an element of fun for Half Pint (and us grown ups!) to .

We really lucked out on the weather, as I think everyone in the UK did that week. It softened the blow of not being abroad, as wandering about in the sunshine and heat we honestly could have been in the south of France.  And Bristol is really very nice, particularly down at the harbour side.  It's also incredible for shopping...I'm thinking it would be great for a retail and spa therapy hen weekend!  Gromits aside, the city has a lot to offer and we visited the M Shed and saw some of the graffiti left over from Upfest as well while we were there.  I may have also forced the family to make an extra journey so that I could see a real Banksy, and have a bit of a fangirl moment!

We made a good stab at hunting for Gromits, scoring 28 out of 79 (there are 80, but one is in London).  Our finds were mainly in the city centre, but as we were staying in a Hilton outside the centre we scored a few further out too.  We weren't the only Gromit spotters either, and we met some spotters at more than one Gromit!    

To avoid spamming this entry with pictures of Gromit, I've narrowed down my favourites to feature.  I had really liked the sound of one designed by Joanna Lumley, but it had been taken away for maintenance so there is no photo of him.  But we did manage to see the one designed by Zayn from One Direction, so made sure to Facebook a photo of that one for Pink Milk.  I'm a little gutted we didn't see Phillip Treacy's Butterfly Gromit or the Gromberry one though!

To break up the journey on the way back we had a night in Chester.  We visited the site of the Roman Amphitheatre but decided against visiting the Roman experience museum because we were more in the mood to simply wander about.  Chester is a great place for that - it's so pretty, and packed with shops.  We didn't stay too long in the centre though, as we were staying in a Doubletree and the lure of the incredible pool and spa was too strong!  Mini Milk loved bobbing about in his little float and also figured out how to launch himself off the side of the pool into my arms at the count of three - too friggin' cute!  And of course Half Pint was in his element in the water, so the Milkman and I just tag-teamed time in the sauna and steam rooms whilst the kids turned prune-like in the pool.

A lot of good eating went on during our holiday.  And by good, I of course mean very, very bad!  I was too scared to step on the scales when we got home, but diets and holidays are not allowed in the same equation in my world!  We kept it cheap and cheerful to keep the costs down, pub grub all the way.  Not quite the same as eating abroad, but it appeals to my gluttonous side.  Though I have to say both Hilton's left a lot to be desired with their dining options.  We had an afternoon tea in the Bristol hotel and the only thing worth mentioning from that was the timer to ensure you got a perfect cuppa.  We then had a very disappointing meal in the Chester hotel too, but it redeemed itself with an incredible buffet breakfast!

I'm actually glad we didn't put ourselves through the stress of a holiday abroad with Mini Milk still so young.  Like the rest of us, his skin is more goth than beach bum, and he has a definite line of tolerance when travelling that once crossed (after about an hour or two) results in nearly non-stop screaming...can't see that being popular on a plane!  Half Pint was 15 months when I first took him abroad, to Greece.  And whilst easier than I imagine travelling with a ten month old would be, even that wasn't a breeze.  I think we'll try to book something for next year, when Mini will be nearly two and hopefully a more willing passenger.

Bring on the holiday catalogues!

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