Returning from Maternity Leave :: How to Survive as a Working Mother

If you have read my blog before you'll maybe be aware that I have gone back to work following the end of my maternity leave.  I would bet that's a fraught experience for any mother, whether she was dying to get back into the adult world or not, whether she's taken the minimum maternity leave or been a SAHM for years, and whether she returns full time or for just a few hours a week.  But I then added the nerves associated with starting an entire new career in a new field in a new organisation.  To say I was a little bit anxious is like saying that Nuts magazine is a little bit sexist.

Panic took up every last scrap of space in my mind in the run up to kick off - sorting out a childcare strategy, being able to get out of the house on time, managing to get dinner on the table, preventing our home from becoming derelict from a lack of housework, squeezing in some exercise/couple/me time and finding time to sleep...  I couldn't even let myself wallow in my heartbreak at the thought of having to leave my baby, because my mind was so full of the logistics of it all.  I was certain I had bitten off more than I could chew and was getting more and more scared.

But thankfully, it hasn't been that bad.

My new job is a vast improvement from my old one, and I'm enjoying it.  I am working full time, as needs must, but instead of getting hung up on wishing I could be at home more I have decided to just accept that this is how life is, and unless I win the lottery it ain't gonna be changing!

Making peace with the fact that that this is how it has to be has actually done a lot to ease my transition back into work, and isn't a mindset I only apply to my hours.  This got me thinking whether there are any words of advice I could pass on to other mums on the verge of returning to work...or indeed, any mum who has already returned and is feeling a bit overwhelmed.  I'm definitely not claiming to be an expert, but these are things that are getting me through:

To Do Lists 

I am a list junkie.  I find solace in crossing things off a list (maybe that's why I'm doing the Day Zero challenge).  During my lunch break I draw up a list of housework that needs done, homework that needs supervised, appointments that need to be made...you name it, if it needs attention that evening it is on my list.  If I have time I even re-write it in order, fitted around things that will always need done, like cooking dinner and bathing the baby.  The result is that I come home with a plan in my head, my time is used efficiently and things get done without me rushing at the last minute or getting stressed (well...at least not as much!).

Zen

By this I mean making peace with the fact that you are human.  Not everything is doable, and it is OK to let little things slip either until the weekend or entirely. It's a judgement call between the less important things and your own sanity.  Always chose your sanity!

Sleep!

This came up on my FB feed earlier, how relevant!

It can be so tempting to stay up late to catch up on some reading or watch some of the inevitable backlog that is building up on your Sky+ box...but you will regret it in the morning!  This kind of ties in with "Zen" - some things just have to be put off until the weekend or ditched completely.  I'm trying to switch my perspective from "sleeping is a drain on my free time" to "wow, look at me - I'm making the most of my precious time by only spending it on things that I really love."  My earlier bedtime isn't eating into my freedom, it is simply using the time I would otherwise have wasted on crap tv or aimlessly surfing Facebook.

Tag Team

Now, as an ex-single mother I can fully appreciate that this isn't a luxury afforded to everyone.  But if you do have a partner, then it goes without saying that you should be sharing the load as equally as possible.  The way that works for us, at least right now whilst Mini Milk thinks 4am is an appropriate time to start the day (you are very much mistaken, little man), is to take it a day each.  It makes the early mornings less of a killer when I know that the next morning I'll get the treat of a lie in until 6am whilst the Milkman takes his turn!

Firsts only count if you're there to see them

This may not be the approach everyone would take, but I am a jealous woman by nature.  The thought of not being there for Mini Milk's firsts hurts me on a very deep level.  And so for some emotional armour I have decided that unless I was there, they don't count.  I don't really even want to be told that they have happened, though given that a large chunk of our childcare is provided by grandparents I know it would be a bit bratty of me to deny them the pleasure of telling me!  But still, I simply smile and put it down to their imagination, until I see it for myself.  This approach is working so far, but I have a feeling that the first unaided standing and first steps will be tougher to ignore if I miss them.



And at the end of the day, what always gets me through is the thought of coming home to my boys.  I may be tired when I turn up to collect the kids, but that all melts away when I see Half Pint grinning at me or Mini Milk power-crawling towards me for a cuddle.  Those moments remind me why I'm doing this, and are also my reward.


If anyone else out there has any working mum survival tips, I would love to hear them - drop me a comment and help me keep my head above water in this new stage of my life!